Learning Curve

We were to leave to go home tomorrow, but due to ... well, we aren't now. We have figured out a way for Ornery to get a few hours in at work on Saturday and still take some time off to go visit the kids in FL. I would have regretted it immensely if we were so close and didn't get to at least catch a glimpse and a hug from the little hooligators. Ryan is scheduled to deploy to Afghanistan in February, and while nothing is ever sure in this life, it seems like international travel, military employment and the combination of the two in a war zone adds additional adverse conditions.

Yesterday was a very productive day for me, although I anticipate it taking several more before I am finished with the first book. I have a whole new appreciation for editors and lay out artists--and I am not even doing anything fancy!  I figured out how to insert a contents page, and have 10 chapters complete.  That is maybe 1/3 through the whole project.  Yesterday I used a "fine tooth comb" for the editing and added a lot of little blurb boxes to the layout. As pages shifted, there was more shuffling--each change causes somewhat of a domino effect, but as I said before I think I have the first ten chapters complete. I worked for seven hours, which is quite a long time to be glued to a computer.

I am learning a lot through the process, not only the skill to do the job, but from the material as well.  As I edit, sometimes I have to think through to a better way of phrasing something which leads me to think more closely about the message. The Healing Power of Forgiveness is the title of the series/book and when I have not been working on the text or layout, I have been thinking about the implications of the content for my own life.

I am not one to hold a grudge, and I can't think of anyone I have not forgiven (which means to send the offense away, not reinstate the relationship or say that what the offender did was "okay") except myself.  I am very hard on me, and have unrealistic expectations of perfection.  I am working on that. Learning that it is okay to fail and that I will still be loved even if I am not doing everything right has been a bigger challenge than I thought it would be. I realized during a recent conversation with my daughter that I instilled that same sense of works-based-acceptance in my kids. I hope they don't take as long to get past that as I have!

It is what both Ornery and I were raised with--the idea that if you behave as expected you are loved, and if you misbehave you won't be loved or accepted.  In fact, it is made worse when the church teaches that when you sin you separate yourself from God, even though it is clear in the scriptures that it is not our sin that is the divisor (since Jesus already died for all the sins of mankind), but the decision we each make as to whether or not we believe on His son for our righteousness.

I am not saying that sin doesn't cause havoc in our lives, because it certainly does, but there is no point in adding "insult to injury" as the saying goes, by not forgiving ourselves when we fail to reach the mark of the high calling we have.  The issue {of confession (saying what God says about our sin--it is forgiven), repentance (changing the direction so we don't continue to miss the mark), and forgiveness (sending the the offense away so it can no longer effect my emotions and relationships)}  is not that our sins cause us to be separated from God, but that unforgiven sin causes us to disbelieve we are who and what God's word says we are--righteous through Christ!  We in turn don't believe He still loves us.  It is our own attitude toward the sin that causes the breach in the relationship, not that God can't stand us because we are not perfect--for how can we be made perfect without Him? And if He has perfected us, how can we alter that state, either to the good or the bad?

The learning curve to move from religious thinking (I am saved by Christ, but made or kept righteous through my behavior/good works/etc.) to a relationship with a loving Father has been rather long and slow to come. I am really glad to have this book to remind me of the importance in knowing my righteousness is not anything I can effect by my behavior, and by sending away (forgiving) offenses (either those done to me or by me) I can keep the lines clear between my Father and me.